What does Ifemelu find satisfying about her relationships with Curt and Blaine? Why does she, eventually, abandon each relationship? Is it possible that she needs to be with someone Nigerian, or does she simply need to be with Obinze?

    In Adichie’s novel, Americanah, the protagonist Ifemelu’s relationships with Curt, Blaine, and Obinze are very different, and portray how dating men of different races shapes her into the woman she becomes throughout the novel. These relationships illustrate Ifemelu’s growing understanding of herself and the importance of a shared background to feel truly understood and loved in a relationship.

    Ifemelu’s relationship with Curt is fun and simple, but his struggle to understand racial issues causes her to break up with him. She loves the free-spirited attitude he inspires in her, saying “With Curt, she became, in her mind, a woman free of knots and cares” (241). However, he doesn’t understand the hardships Ifemelu has gone through and likely never will.  She describes Curt as believing in “good omens and positive thoughts… a trouble-free belief, because he had not considered them deeply before choosing to believe” (243). Curt couldn’t empathize with her experiences as an African person, and she is frustrated that Curt could grasp “one thing but was completely tone deaf about another similar thing” (361). His inability to comprehend the issue of race ultimately leads Ifemelu to end things. Even though Kurt is kind and good to her, Ifemelu could never fully discuss her real-life experiences with him, proving that they didn’t have the “deep romantic love” that she believes is necessary to solve the issue of race in America (367).

    Blaine is an “American Black” and could not be any more different than Curt when it comes to his relationship with Ifemelu. Blaine is an academic, and constantly wants to discuss issues of race and activism whereas Curt avoids these conversations. Ifemelu describes Blaine as having not a normal spine, but instead “a firm reed of goodness” (383). She is drawn to him because of his intelligence and compassion, and says that “with him, she could only inhabit a higher level of goodness” (385). However, Blaine is constantly trying to change Ifemelu, shown through his critiques of her blogs. Their final argument is over a protest he organized that Ifemelu didn’t attend, and he tells her, “It’s not just about writing a blog, you have to live like you believe it” (427). Blaine never thought Ifemelu was working hard enough to change the world they live in, and these unrealistic expectations are what end their relationship.

    These two failed relationships show that Ifemelu never felt like she could fully be herself with these men, largely due to their differences in race and therefore their differences in world views and attitudes. Her relationship with Obinze, who was “the only person with whom she had never felt the need to explain herself,” proves that for Ifemelu to feel seen, she needs to be with another Nigerian. Obinze is the only man she met in this novel who she can be authentically herself with, and so it is fitting that she ends up with the man who saw who she truly was from the very beginning.